it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
