Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
