Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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