the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
