i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
