i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
