i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
