OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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