I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
