Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
