Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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