Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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