i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
MIDGETS
????
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
