You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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