I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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