Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
