I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
