So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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