everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
