So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
