No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
