I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
