someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
