My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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