i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
