We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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