Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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