I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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