I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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