I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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