Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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