I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
