Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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