she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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