Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
