yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
