Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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