if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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