can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
