i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
