Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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