using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
