shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
