my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
