Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
