The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
