Only a mothe r could love this liver
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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