how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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