I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
