Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
