a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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