Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
