party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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