Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
