if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
