It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
