i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
is wine microwaveable?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
two words...techno handjob
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
