So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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