Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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