Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize