last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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