im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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