Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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