dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am one with the molecules
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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