There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
