i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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