She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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