I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize