This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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