I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
