How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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