your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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