Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
