Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
