on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
