it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
