You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
