and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
